Never Saw it Coming

By the time I was diagnosed with diabetes, I was full-blown with both feet suffering extreme neuropathy. But since I worked sometimes 16 hours a day as a chef, I just called them sore feet.

I ignored an obvious sign.

So I totally saw diabetes coming, I was just an alcoholic doing drugs, eating all the wrong things at all the wrong times, and not noticing the recovery times of my binges getting longer and longer.

I ignored an obvious sign.

Now, God knows, because She has been with me all the way, the good and the bad, and is still with me. Of that, I am sure.

So last Saturday, I decide to jump into the hotel pool, usually packed, for an afternoon swim. No one but me and the water was crystal clear. I used to be able to go the entire length of a 50’ pool AND back. (Yeah, dipshit, but you were 18 years old!).

I broke the still water with a one-legged cannonball and started swimming around and, as you may know, I get these insane ideas from time to time.

I see the hotel pool is only 32’ long, and decide why not? It’s only 64’ total.

Piece of cake.

I make my way to the end of the pool, take a super-deep breath and push off with my right leg. I had eyes on the other end.

Not really.

I can’t see shit without my glasses, so you know I am blind underwater. I made it to the other end without ramming my head into the concrete, but I knew there was NO WAY I would complete my trip, but I didn’t pay attention to the thunder in my ears or the pounding in my chest. I made it about 1/3 of the way back before breaching, gasping for dear life itself.

I rubbed my chest which was still pounding.

What did I do?

I ignored an obvious sign.

Come to find out, that beating in my chest was a heart attack.

So there I sat, tubes in places where man nor beast should have tubes. At least Mother Time has made my once-prodigious (Little Satin) manageable, requiring less of a length of tube for my catheter.

I was praying, making yet more promises to God, I was even trying to recall account numbers for God to make sure Karen had if it was decided I was leaving this plane of existence.

Through it all, I met the coolest nurse and made a new friend in the process.

I will recount my interactions with her in tomorrow’s blog.

Relax, the Domestic Despot already knows about her, and to show how worried she was, she brought a copy of my book to the hospital for her.

I guess I am too old to be upset she is not jealous of me.

I must be harmless.

Right.

As far as one-legged guys go, I’ve got it made. I have a gorgeous woman who I am still mad as a hatter over, two little furry friends that are the epitome of loyalty, and best of all, I never have to decide who or what I will be every year Halloween comes around.

Captain Morgan.

Stay well.