From EMOTIONS: Not Your Mama’s ABC’s.
Each of the letters of the alphabet have a short preface. There are 35 short stories in the book. The preface for the letter C:
“A lot of awesome emotions under C and I moved the location to Canada, one of my favorite places to visit. On one particular salmon fishing trip there, my father, sister, and I were enjoying a great day of drinking. Not so much on the fishing part of the fishing trip. After a case or so of Labatt’s Blue and a liter of Dr. McGillicuddy’s 100-proof Peach Schnapps, we were ready to start drinking some more. At least that was the plan. This is where the story becomes a little fuzzy.
I woke up in the middle of the woods at about 2am (I think) and the first thing I noticed was my eyes were wide open and I could not see anything. Only darkness. Was I blind? I turned my baseball cap around and my sight was miraculously restored. The next thing assaulting my senses was the horrendous smell of shit. As I propped my throbbing head up on one elbow, I reached back to rub my aching spine which was partially resting on a bed of pinecones. As I rubbed, my fingers I found the slimy stench beginning on the top of my pants. Oh my God, I crapped myself!
This was not good.
Pan to me pounding on my sister’s cabin. Her lover actually got up and helped me to the washroom cabin.
“I’m a senior citizen, I shat myself,” I shouted as she sprayed me off with a hose. After cleaning me off, she threw me a towel and I kept yelling my thanks as she returned to her cabin.
I toweled off, and as I peeled off my soaked but clean clothes, I saw that there was no evidence whatsoever of any excrement inside my pants.
I have never been so proud to have gotten blind-drunk and fallen asleep in a big pile of bearshit in my entire life…” Hope you enjoy the book!
I really love Canada and you can’t help but notice the pride the Canadians take in keeping their country’s natural beauty clean, preserved, and highlighted. I think French-Canadian women are crazy sexy. I have 2 or three stories set in Canada.