Maddogg’s Marriage Primer

Start with the absolute MUST NOT DO if you ever plan on having a successful long-term marriage.

Never, and I mean never under any circumstances, lie to your wife.

But when you do, don’t waver in your story.

I don’t know what it is, but they have this way of knowing. If you ask the Domestic Despot, she will tell you she knew every time I told a lie.

That’s total bullshit.

I was in pre-law at one time in my life and I know how to lie.

Like my mom said she could always tell when I told a lie by having me look into her eyes.

Every single time.

Don’t play with time frames. If she tells you eight o’clock, insist she said nine.

It might work one time.

But probably not.

Another thing that I do to keep the marriage young and fresh, is the use of my acting background to fabricate different characters that I will slip into when we go out.

Drives her bat-shit crazy.

The paisano Italian goat farmer.

The Eastern European diplomat.

My Brooklyn gangster is a classic and only comes out when I really want to get to her.

She can only take “Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.” only so many times evidently.

“Are you talkin’ to me?

“Are you talkin’ to me?


Another weapon in my arsenal to is to pick a word, any word, and overuse it all day long or until she just can’t take it anymore.

She goes as long as she can, but usually wilts when we encounter another person or persons. She just can’t take the chance, and I can hear the fight going on inside her head and the voice asking He’s not THAT fucked up is he? Would he say this crazy word bullshit to anyone else?

She just can’t take the chance.

Slow dance with your wife at least three times a year.

Not just go dancing.

Slow dance.

This is an overlooked part of a happy marriage. There is something about swaying together and holding each other like you will never see them again because someday… and with this crazy world, it can be ANY day…

When you are holding your partner tight, you can feel the mutual satisfaction of building a lifelong relationship; you can feel the mutual sacrifices and struggles it takes, and you once again, you thank God for bringing you together.

A pet completes the family.

I would like to be able to give advice on how to fall in love, but I have no practical experience because when I first laid eyes on Karen, that was it.

In my years in Las Vegas, I saw, and was a victim of, long-term relationships and marriages that fell victim to the Sins of the City, if you will.

I learned to live in the city and enjoy all her amenities without engaging in anything that resembled anything more than a casual relationship.


Stay well.

Published by maddogg09

I am an unmotivated genius with an extreme love for anything that moves the emotional needles of our lives.

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