Karma, comeuppance, or whatever you want to call it, payback is the dominion of the slighted and wronged. If you are NOT slighted or wronged, any misperceived justice you dispense will just make you the asshole doing the wrong.
The following is a true story based on THE MOST EMBARASSING THING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
I was 13 and living in base housing on Barksdale Air Force base near Bossier City, Louisiana. The year was 1967.
I thought I was hot shit.
God’s gift. A sixth-grader looking for love in ALL the places.
I had an 8th grade girlfriend and despite my youth, I had already experienced (successfully) the act of copulation. Sounds very romantic, n’est pas?
My friend Jay was not as lucky. He was one of the kids I hung out with who was pretty much living his sex life vicariously through me. He hung on every detail as I recounted things from my dates he could only dream about, most of them true. I really don’t know where I get it, but I had/have this awful mean streak. I still feel bad about this all these years later. Jay and I were enrolled in the same junior high school and were friends. So I don’t know what possessed me to do what I did.
Sheila lived a few houses down the street from me and she was the fancy of every 13-15 yr. old boy in school. She actually had breasts, fueling so many schoolboy dreams through the sweet, fragrant Louisiana nights. Like all of us, Jay adored her. She represented the unattainable. The Impossible Dream.
I told Jay that Sheila wanted him to stop by her house after school. Now Sheila was WAY out of my league so you know Jay had no chance at all. But I kept working on him all day, assuring him I had spoken with Sheila’s best friend Donna, and she told me Sheila was hoping Jay would ask her to the Teen Club dance. So to sell it, I walked up the block with Jay and as he approached the front steps to Sheila’s porch, I said “Good luck Jay. I’ll wait over here by the side of the house. You lucky dog.” I was convincing.
Jay winked at me.
Sheila came to the door and when Jay said he was there to ask her to the dance, her whole face and demeanor changed. She started laughing hysterically, humiliating Jay and causing his face to flush beet red.
“Me, go with YOU?” She started her shrill laugh again as she slammed the door in his face.
I hauled ass laughing and didn’t speak to Jay again.
Pan to 8 months later. It appeared the previous incident with Sheila was in the rearview mirror; I was glad about that. Jay had started coming by again. Our school basketball team is playing at a rival junior high where a beautiful girl named Shay attended.
Shay had an identical twin named Shawna. Both girls were tall, blonde and gorgeous. I had intimated to Jay that I could not only get Shay to be my girlfriend, but I could also get her sister.
“At the same time?” he asked.
I smugly affirmed “At the same time, AND neither girl will ever suspect a thing.” Told you I was an asshole.
Jay just silently grinned and nodded at the prospect. I told him of my plan.
Since it was a tournament the game was being held in a sold-out high school court, so it was pretty easy to get lost in the crowd. I am sitting on the home side of the gymnasium with Shawna hugging, kissing, and carrying on. I was also sitting on the visitor’s side with Shay, hugging, kissing, and carrying on. I told Shawna I would go get a couple cokes and some popcorn. I walked down the stairs, out to the refreshment stand in the lobby, and slipped out the door leading to the visitor’s bleachers. I repeated this dans macabre with Shay. Think of this: I am getting drinks, hot dogs, and popcorn for both girls while sprinting, ducking, and hiding five different times across the basketball court during the course of the game.
Believe it or not, I pulled it off.
The game was over, I had run myself ragged, but neither girl knew of the other’s presence or that I was there with each other’s sister.
All that remained was to escort both of my girlfriends through their respective different exits and I had pretty much established my Global Love Supremacy at the tender age of 13. I would take Shawna first, then Shay, then off in a total blaze of glory.
As we walked through the lobby, I kissed Shawna and felt a tap on my shoulder.
I turned around; my fate was secured.
“Someone wants to talk with you,” Jay smiled.
It was Shay.
P.S. I forgot to post my second audio story which I will record and post after I wake up. It is titled Little Things from EMOTIONS: Not your Mama’s ABC’s!