Matrimony

Finally.

A subject that, after thirty-five years, I can speak of with a modicum of experience.

As I have stated previously, I was the absolute last person on earth who would ever even consider the idea of matrimony.

No way.

Not for me.

Love ‘em and leave ‘em. Although truth be told, it more times than not, ended up with me being the one who was left behind. Either way, it is not how I began my relationships.

I always liked having a steady, dependable girlfriend.

Until I moved to Las Vegas.

Then the problem was, I started finding lots and lots of steady, dependable girlfriends. But they already had boyfriends.

Going to Las Vegas to get married is like going to a whorehouse to say penance for your sins.

Once you are married, everything changes.

You love your partner even more than ever.

You envision a long and wonderful life together.

You picture the beautiful scenes you will share.

You smile when you think of the places you will go and the adventures that lie ahead.

And after you have been married for about five years, you look at your partner with pride of their hard work and sacrifice they are making daily for you and your relationship.

After ten years, you wonder at their ability to run a household and a career simultaneously. You have enough on your plate with just your job.

Now, after thirty-five years, I still see the same glint in my wife’s eyes that she had the day we were married at the foot of the moss-covered amphitheater in the Santa Barbara Museum of Natural History.

My soulmate is yet another piece of evidence that reinforcers my belief in the tents put forth in Mitch Albom’s masterful Five People You Meet in Heaven. I truly believe that if one thing had changed in my life sequence, I might not have ended up with the one person on the planet that consumes me.

If you are married, here are a few good tips to remember:

If she asks you to explain anything and you begin with more than one “uh” she will definitely know that everything that comes out of your mug will be an untruth. Resist your urge to go into great detail, because it will be obvious that you know the earmark of a great lie. Be sloppy. Have your times be general as opposed to specific. The smallest semblance of chicanery will be detected, and then forget it.

It’s over.

And you think elephants have good memories?

I am mulling over heading up to Centerville tonight for a blues jam/open mic.

Blind Melon Maddogg.

I have always played country music and I love singing the blues. I will enlist a player to hit the leads. I’m thinking of doing Bessie Smith’s Empty Bed Blues and John Mayall’s Messing Around.

Maddogg can sing you some blues.

I might be a weather weenie, though.

It has been raining hard and if it keeps up….

Stay well.