Other than the baubles and valuables I have bought Karen over the years, I haven’t accumulated any jewelry myself. I never wore a ring, choosing instead to give it to my chosen girlfriend to wear around her neck. I had one of those male symbols I wore around my neck until I got stoned and drunk and passed out on Huntington Beach in the hazy marine layer fog. I was red as a lobster when I woke up, and I had a bright white male symbol on my chest for about two months.

Truth be told, it looked sorta gay.

I did have several Rolex watches I once received as payment for about a pound of cheap Mexican weed from this dumbass tweeker who had no idea what he was giving me. He thought they were knockoffs, because it was very common at the time to find people selling fake stuff up and down the Strip. I never asked, but I have no doubts he did not obtain the merchandise legally. I ended up making out like gangbusters, as I was able to pawn them for about fifty times what the pot cost.

I knew such charming people back then.

Two things you could always find in Las Vegas were pawn shops and prostitutes.

Excessive wearing of jewelry is a turnoff.

It is also deadly.

When I was toiling as a grill cook, one of the “regulars” was Tony who would come into the restaurant looking like a million borrowed bucks. I mean, he had layers of gold chains, huge turquoise nuggets, emerald earrings, and diamond front teeth. He would also make a show out of flashing his payday “roll” of bills.

He definitely attracted a lot of attention.

The wrong kind.

He was found to have been clubbed to death and dropped down a mine shaft in southern Arizona.

Another place you don’t want to be sporting a ton of bling is at private gambling clubs.

You see, they don’t have nice little bonded security guards that are responsible for keeping the safe image of the city. In Vegas, you have every right to ask for security to walk you to your car with your “winnings.” In a club that is not usually gonna be located in the most desirable location of the city, the people you will find that will help you protect your winnings will steal everything and kill you to death.

The only jewelry I ever wear is my wedding band, and I am unable to remove it upon penalty of death, at least that’s what Karen says.

I used to wear rings off the bubble gum cigar wrappers but you grow out of that pretty quick.

I could never get in touch with my other side to the point where I could get earrings, or God forbid, anything pierced.

Here is a wake-n-bake session:

Tie tacks.

Cuff links.

Tie bars.

Back when I was in management, I had racks and racks of ties.

And little, small boxes of jewelry.

Stay well.

Published by maddogg09

I am an unmotivated genius with an extreme love for anything that moves the emotional needles of our lives.

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