Better Late?

If you call me up and don’t start speaking within the first five seconds, my ass is gonna hang up on your ass and I will block your number for all-time. Pet peeve? Probably more like a foible. Although I am actually avoiding the Old Man Syndrome where everything irritates you, and that is probablyContinue reading “Better Late?”

New Year’s Revolutions

Everybody makes them every year and every year we break our resolve and return to the behavior we wish to eliminate from our lives. I never break a New Year’s resolution. Never. Because I don’t make any. I don’t think I ever got drunk enough to make a resolution to stop drinking. There was thisContinue reading “New Year’s Revolutions”

God Bless

G.B. Whoever invented the little doggie wheels that allow dogs with inoperable legs to run like the wind and feel like a doggie should; happy, unafraid, and just like all the other doggies. My heart sings when I see people with these animals and believe Maddogg when he says these people have spots reserved forContinue reading “God Bless”

Just to be Clear

Enough with wild animals eating children. This time, an alligator was the guilty party. Once again, I am horrified and piteous of the parents of the eight-year old boy. To see the creature float lazily away downriver with the lifeless (God, tell me he was lifeless) body of their son is the stuff of lifelongContinue reading “Just to be Clear”

Crazy World

I was just writing about Brittany Griner yesterday, and JoJo is finally prepared to talk with BabyHead Putin about a prisoner exchange. Not that I am claiming any sort of influence, but it is interesting timing. We are always hearing about fires, and many encroach on my old west coast home in Santa Barbara, butContinue reading “Crazy World”

Getting it Just Right

Perfectionists.  I am one. Sometimes. Often confused with obsessive-compulsive behavior, there are several schools of thought that address it. One is the idealist, the person who actually believes perfection is possible. The other school posits that perfection is not possible. Of the two, the former is way more palatable to me because at bare minimum,Continue reading “Getting it Just Right”

Cheers

I take shots at pretty much everything here, on my little, tiny piece of the internet. I don’t bullshit, despite possessing one of the world’s greatest stockpiles of it. I don’t give a shit about politics; I usually let the Domestic Despot send in our ballots, that is how interested I am. Besides, let’s faceContinue reading “Cheers”

Unrealistic Expectations

The realm in which I exist according to the Domestic Despot. As I told you the other day, I always send an email to Robin Meade asking her to show up at one of my gigs just to see the look on my wife’s face. At that point I would exist in the realm ofContinue reading “Unrealistic Expectations”

Kung Fu Boo

In the early seventies, kung fu was big. Bruce Lee had every kid jumping and mewling like felines before pouncing on their prey. Dojo’s popped up everywhere and kids name Kyle and Trevor were all of a sudden badasses. I would learn my own lesson from a kung fu practitioner years later, and I rememberContinue reading “Kung Fu Boo”

Tranquilo

Staying calm. Cool under pressure. Not everyone has it 100% of the time. I’m probably in the high eighties if I am really being honest with myself. I had to “beat” a polygraph test in order to land a major casino Executive Chef job in Las Vegas. Answering truthfully all the questions set up toContinue reading “Tranquilo”