Timelines

Such as in when is it OK to swear around children?

Parents will go to extreme measures to shelter their children from hearing any curse words. They will interrupt you in mid-sentence if need be, to remind you to beware as you proceed.

As you may know, Karen and I were not blessed with children which qualifies me as the world’s preeminent expert on childrearing.

I have always been respectful of other peoples’ kids and I never talk to them harshly. Parents can get crazy-protective of their kids and I get it.

There are a lot of studies and essays on the correct time to address cursing and curse words with your children. I don’t think it requires all that much thought. I think whatever age they are when they answer an order from you with “Oh, go fuck yourself,” then they are ready.

How about when is the right age to drive? Forget the state laws for just a second. If you are ten-years of age and you are doing farm work twelve hours a day, I say take the wheel.

You are ready.

The same sixteen-year old kid who bought his way through his Driver’s Ed classes and figured if he ever got in any real trouble behind the wheel, his Dad and his lawyers would smooth things over, well let’s just say different strokes.

Sad but true.

Losing your virginity.

Legalities aside, I don’t give a shit, you are a fucking deviant if you are ruining some child’s life by having sex with them at any age younger than sixteen.

Bodies aren’t fully developed by then and young girls’ decisions are not exactly crystalline when it comes to sex any earlier.

What is the politically correct time to fly a plane?

How about if, and only if, someone will agree to be a passenger with you.

Oh yeah, and after a mandatory four-year training.

That should do it.

I was the exception.

I was attempting to have sex when I was in third grade. It was with some family friends and their sixteen-year old daughter. Well not all of them, just the daughter.

While the parents were downstairs playing cards we were upstairs under the sheets.

Almost six decades later, after watching the mores and norms change regarding sex, I guess what was happening was some sort of child  abuse.

Not to me.

I was the man!

Seriously, though encountering sex at such an early age did two things: it made me feel the best feelings possible in a lifetime, and it made me appreciate the female form in ways best seen in the dark. (That last line made absolutely no fucking sense to me).

I at least waited until I was thirteen for my official deflowering, this time with a real person. (jk). Check out my story The Real Summer of Love.

How about when is the right time to get married?

Don’t ask me.

I’m a hopeless romantic that has fallen so hard for a girl I can’t believe it myself.

Now I just have to get up the nerve to tell my wife.

Stay well.

Published by maddogg09

I am an unmotivated genius with an extreme love for anything that moves the emotional needles of our lives.

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