There is irrefutable evidence that I had one; I didn’t get up to 275 pounds at one point by going on the Gandhi diet.
No, I earned my stripes honestly.
Consider a typical working day of a French Chef (me):
4am Wake up (or stay awake from night before). Do several wake-me-up lines of cocaine to kick start my heart (thx MC!)
5am Drive to fresh seafood market
6am Drive to farmer’s market
7am Arrive at restaurant, turn on kitchen power
7:15am Eat breakfast (caviar omelette, pommes St. Anne, fresh croissants with mixed berry crème Anglaise. Oh, and three or four strong Bloody Mary’s.
7:45am Design plate presentations for my Dinner Menu
8:45am Do a projected sales report and projected food cost for both Lunch and Dinner menus.
9:15am Cost out labor projections
10am Begin lunch prep
11am Open for lunch
(I was the hotshot Exec Chef from Las Vegas and California, but I had structured my contract so that I made money on everything; reducing costs, exceeding sales projections, and achieving awards, so since I was making bank, I eschewed hiring a cook or even an assistant, because I was making all the money.)
But, good fortune allowed me to hire a Sous Chef, to be my second-in command, greatly reducing my workload.
The extra time allowed me to achieve Third Place in the National Pork Council Recipe Contest that year (which resulted in more money por moi.)
1pm Take one-hour break
2pm Supervise kitchen setup and mis-en-place for line.
4pm Educate and entrée sampling by wait staff
4:30pm Meet with Sommelier, educate wait staff
4:50pm Lineup inspection of FOH staff
4:55pm Check with Expediter for flow-plan
5pm Open for dinner
5-11pm Supervise dinner operations
At 7:30pm and again at 9:30 or 10pm, I would make rounds throughout the front of the house to engage guests and build PR. I was also drinking the entire time (part of the job, believe it or not).
Right around midnight, when the kitchen was being broken down, I would join the owner for a late-night “snack” of crusty baguette with Devonshire Creamery Butter, Oysters Rockefeller with my award-winning Bearnaise sauce, a King Crab-stuffed Filet Mignon with Malaysian Green Peppercorn sauce, Butter-soaked Santa Barbara Hearts of Potato, Creamed fresh Asparagus in Puff pastry, and of course, sorbets between courses. We would top it off with either a wedge of Black Forest Cake, or Sacher Torte.
Then I would go home and go to bed.
I did that for about fifteen years.
Smart.
Healthy.
Life-threatening.
So, it’s a little easier to figure out how I could get to 275 pounds, even though I wasn’t any taller.
The really amazing part is that it took me thirty years to get to be so overweight, but it only required about a month to drop the extra fat.
No, I didn’t start eating healthier.
I didn’t do any “fad” diets.
Nope.
I got an eight-ball and someone else’s girlfriend.
(Karen just thumped me on the head!)
Stay well.
