I can’t explain why, but it is the very hardest thing for me to do.
Now, with only one leg and the possibility of further surgeries on the horizon, I don’t have a lot of choice in the matter.
I just can’t do what I used to do.
Not alone.
The very first thing that comes to mind is a home visit I received from an amputee after my leg was removed five years ago in an Arizona hospital.
The guy got around on his prosthetic amazingly well, and my first impression was one of hope.
Then he started talking.
He recounted how his wife of twenty years had walked out on him when he lost his leg. If that was supposed to offer me more hope, it didn’t. I can’t even imagine living one minute without Karen, much less the rest of my life.
When I insisted on recuperating at home instead of under hospital care (against medical advice), I realized what a mistake I made. The pain was crazy bad.
I took a couple painful falls from my walker because I just didn’t have the strength to stay upright.
I was able to press a button in my hospital bed and receive the soothing effects of Demerol, instantly lessening (or masking) the incredible pain from where they had taken a surgical saw to my leg.
I was given powerful Oxycodone but did I take it?
No.
I was a tough guy.
I’d kick pain’s ass through will and guts. After all, I’m the same guy who used to have his football teammates huddle around him while my friend would “pop” my dislocated shoulder back into place. It happened on every play.
It hurt like hell, but I didn’t think it would hurt half as bad as losing my starting linebacker position.
Stupid.
Back in 1970, my shoulder was operated on at the Long Beach Naval Station. There were no arthroscopic surgeries performed yet, so I have a close to 360-degree scar whereas today I might have a quarter-sized slit in my shoulder for the same procedure.
While medicine marched forward, my archaic thoughts on asking for assistance did not.
The very worst of it was that I turned on the one person in the world I would give my life for, my soulmate Karen. I was in pain, resentful to I don’t even know who and I am sure the chip on my shoulder did nothing to expedite my mental and physical healing.
I am presently at home on IV antibiotics in the hopes that the infection in my leg will be eradicated without requiring further amputation. All my numbers have looked optimistic, but the cruel reality is that you can do everything right; eat all the right foods, avoid the things that hamper recovery, exercise, and still face the possibility of more cutting.
When we first moved here to southern Ohio I wrote a blog about receiving assistance from a complete stranger when I was driving around farmland without a clue where I was or how to get home. I was actually blown away by his simple answer when I asked him why he decided to help me.
“Because you looked like you needed some help.”
God Bless that old farmer.
So, if you need help for ANYTHING, don’t hesitate to ask someone for help. You will be amazed at how most people will bend over backwards to help for no other reason that we are all in this together and it is the right thing to do.
I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else.
Stay well.
