The inspection has been done, and we’re getting closer….
I got all our papers signed, sealed, and delivered to quote a badass Stevie Wonder song from my childhood.
I go to a national office supply store to fax in our mortgage app.
I shit you not, I was that stoned.
I go to fax the 36 pages, and I get to the store (directly across the street from our hotel), and I had forgotten to bring the papers.
No big deal.
I head back to the room, get locked out of the hotel, forcing me to hobble all the way around the hotel to the main entrance, get the papers, and head back to the store.
I got lost.
Seriously? The store is right across the street!
Thirty-five minutes later I finally pull into the parking lot and realize I left the number I was supposed to fax the documents to.
No big deal.
I get locked out of the hotel a second time and now, what logical get-your-head-out-of-your-ass thing do I do to help the situation?
Why, fire up another bowl of Tangerine Kush at 28.5% THC.
I go back to the store for the last time and all the handicap spaces are taken, hell, ALL the spaces were taken in front of this store AND the next, so I park in BFE some twenty miles away, and finally get up to the copy center, fax my 36 pages, and go to pay.
My wallet was in the hotel room.
No big deal.
I am mellow and decide that maybe today is just not the day to send these papers in for processing.
The phone in my Highlander rings.
Hi Mark, this is xxxxxxxx, the mortgage manager for your case. Did you get a chance to fax us those documents? We need them to lock in your interest rate.
Big fucking deal.
So the fifth time’s the charm, and now, my unacceptable behavior has finally gotten to me.
I get back in my car to go jump in the pool at the hotel, but first I turn the rear-view mirror, stare straight into my own eyes, and have a badly needed talk with myself.
Okay Professor Shit for Brains, it is NOT funny, NOT OK, definitely NOT cool, NOT efficient, NOT anything you might think it is, so STOP acting like you don’t have a care in the world all the time. You can’t keep going on indiscriminately bungling through life and thinking everything you do is great.
It took you five times to get some papers faxed?
Listen to me and I won’t steer you wrong. You just have to believe that what I am saying is true.
I looked back in my eyes and thought very carefully about what was just said. It really made me think and do some heavy introspection.
I am not unintelligent.
But did I really believe the Man in the Mirror?
He’s a stoner.