I don’t give a hot damn what the local weather forecasters say about this “unseasonably warm weather we are having”, I say it is cold.
I know, I’m a weather weenie. I get it.
With today’s temperature climbing to almost (gasp!) sixty degrees, I was in my sweats and long sleeves.
I barely made it.
It is brilliantly sunny and there are tufts of white cotton candy hovering benignly in the azure sky.
I loaded up Bruiser and Murphy (or should I say Karen loaded the three of us up) and off we went in pursuit of a MetroPark. I think I only got a pic or two but if they came out OK, they will be here:
How do I know it’s cold?
I actually wore pajamas on purpose (don’t ask; a blog for another day) for the first time in sixty years.
I know it’s cold because both dogs seek contact with me (aka The Human Furnace). They can only allow themselves soi much warmth before they have to retreat to the hardwood floors to cool their nether regions.
I also know it is cold (or approaching really cold) temperatures because I am starting to drink hot tea or chocolate before I either enter this blog or join the Karen Diaz Trio on our huge King bed, even with both knucklehead doggies all splayed out in their PlayPup magazine sexy pose.
Not so much hot drinks in Arizona.
There is real Midwest frost on the Highlander in the morning.
My robe is starting to look good to me.
I spend a little longer time in the shower with the door closed.
I also know it is cold because soon football will be played on frozen pitches and fields all-round the planet. As a lad, I used to love playing on frozen pitches as we travelled through one European country after another in the dead of winter. Many times, the pitch would be frozen solid like a sheet of ice and it was almost certain that the contest would be decided in favor of the team with the most remaining upright players at contest’s end.
The things you can do at age thirteen.
I never ventured out to seek frozen weather and play any alpine sports. I love watching them.
Right. From a seat around a fire nursing a Napoleon brandy.
I can tell it is cold because of the early proliferation of holiday movies, early Black Friday deals, I mean come on, just have one big cathartic everything-must-go sale and give everything away in your inventory.
I seem to spend more time looking at my inoperable fireplace and privately speeding up our contractor’s timetable (in my mind, of course).
Now that we are somewhat moved in and gaining daily, we can get the rest of the house remodeled, a new privacy fence, and a pool and patio deck so we’ll be looking good come April or May.
I hope to have my cousin out for a round of golf.
I am sure once he sees my prodigious (insert laugh track here) drives he will find plenty to bust my chops about.
But that’s cold.