A Great Day

What is your barometer for a good day?


That’s an easy one.

I have great days that saw me literally climbing walls while sitting in a chair (thank you John Prine). There was five feet of snow on the ground, and it was ten below.

But I had a great day.

Where do we draw the line?

Aggressive is good.

Pushy is bad.

There was the infamous “Bush Push” which saw USC running back Reggie Bush, the defrocked Heisman winner, cheat and damn his progeny to a fiery hell for all eternity by pushing quarterback Matt Leinart who had been legally stopped for no gain by God’s chosen gladiators of the gridiron, the Notre Dame Fighting Irish, across the goal line.

The dirty rotten cheater referees gave the points to the Trojans, ensuring their hollow cheater-victory.

I am pretty much open-minded about the whole thing, obviously.

They will all answer on Judgment Day no doubt.

Here’s pushing to the nth degree:


“Push! Push! Come on Nan, you can do it!”

Almost there now.

“Push!” her husband John cried out.

Nancy gritted her teeth one more time and shoved. She already had two babies, both delivered by C-section. But this was real pain. This required physical exertion like nothing she’d ever had to do in her life. Add in the fact that she was approaching her fortieth birthday soon and was not in the best of shape anyway. She felt like the ugliest monster on the face of the earth as she grunted and pushed with all her might. She just didn’t have the strength she had when she was twenty and giving birth to her first daughter.

“Push Nan Push!” John shouted.

Her face contorted and Nancy could feel John’s arm around her shoulder as…

“One more time!” he shouted and the weight was suddenly lifted.

The unconscious body of her mother tumbled awkwardly over the cliff, crushing her skull, and scattering blood, bone, and other vital fluids on the rocky coast.

“Damn, she was heavy,” Nancy grunted to John as she fired up a joint. She took a deep hit and handed it to him.

“And I thought having kids was hard.”

What is the moral of the story?

Don’t push your pain-in-the-ass in-law over a rocky cliff.

She’s probably too heavy anyway.

Stay well.


Published by maddogg09

I am an unmotivated genius with an extreme love for anything that moves the emotional needles of our lives.

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