I hate them.

Not for what they are, but what they represent.

Man’s dominion over the animal world. Sometimes I get so stoned that I wish there were this benevolent large animal that has just had it up to here and has had enough. I hope this animal would spend a few days out in the jungle with the hunters and poachers.

I won’t even write down the evil things I wish upon them, but they are the same things I wish upon the idiots who kill thousands of sharks to make soup.


I have travelled extensively and I have seen some of the world’s greatest zoos. It doesn’t matter where the animals are caged; they are caged. What power gave man dominion over anything more than his own lifespace?

Certainly not God.

He (or She) knows better.

They know how weak and stupid their creations are and what foolishness we are capable of.

If you have ever been to a zoo, look around. The only happy faces are on the fat little schoolkids trying to pull the hair off the poor old donkey’s tail.

The animals aren’t smiling. They are being held against their will and out of their natural habitat.

I am glad the lady who chose to commune with the monkeys in the viral video was unharmed, but a small part of me wished the monkeys would have all looked at each other and said, “let’s rip this arrogant asshole to shreds.”

Now that video would blow up!

Through the imagination of Steven Spielberg we can visit the ultimate zoo—Jurassic Park.

I was never that big on dinosaurs like a lot of kids.

Army men.

Thousands of them.

I had them under plastic bunkers and makeshift shacks and obstacles all over my bedroom floor.

I could spend an entire day setting up both sides of the room with opposing armies and then I would take turns throwing marbles as “bombs” until there were NO MEN STANDING.

I was a troubled lad.

It can’t be too far in the future before they open up the first virtual zoo with animals recreated with scientific accuracy to include the audio, visual, and olfactory senses.

Once they build that zoo I can stop rooting for the animals to nip off one of the little Vienna Sausage fingers of the chubby children when they throw things at the animals, or treat them roughly.


I’m sure they would be a lot more cost effective than sending some losers (slime who would sell their own mothers for a cup of coffee) into the jungle to whittle down the already endangered species population that live there. The plan would be perfect if they committed suicide upon completing their mission.

People: once a species disappears, that’s it. That is the last we will see of it.

Like humans.

So keep fucking up the planet in your never-ending quest for money.

We keep this up and we will end up being an exhibit in an archaeological museum somewhere.

Stay well.

Published by maddogg09

I am an unmotivated genius with an extreme love for anything that moves the emotional needles of our lives.

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