Records

We are obsessed with breaking or setting new records in just about everything.

Sports is the obvious choice for records, but we are starting to see the record for stupidest politician being taken from Andrew Johnson, impeached 19th century president.

Trump gets the record, and I can’t imagine the American people ever again putting an idiot like this in office ever again.

I don’t think it’s a record, but I once won a debate by choosing to defend Adolf Hitler.

It was not easy, but I researched my ass off and compiled a record of the actual good things that Hitler did for his country, keeping all attention away from the slightest mention of his “other side.”

Yes, he was a diabolical madman, but I started by painting the picture of him as a little boy, roaming the Austrian hills with his little dog Fritz. (That part wasn’t researched, but everybody bought in and I won points handily).

Check out this short story I included in my book Emotions: Not your Mama’s ABC’s!:

Fish Tale

          The early morning mist lying low over the lake was a majesty to behold, as the sun fought to spray its pink and yellow streaks across the summer sky.  Theo cast his line into the water, and began the tease. The shiny red lure worked like a charm, enticing the first fish of the day to bite. He pulled his pole back and up in one motion, firmly hooking his catch. It was going to be a great day. The next five hours were spent alternating between casting his line, reeling in fish, and taking swigs from his flask of Ouzo.

It was approaching high noon, the sun reflecting off the water like a thousand gold drachmas. Lake Volvi had produced a basket of plump perch and Theo called for his sons.

          “Dimitri! Hermes! Come!” he shouted. The boys came tearing over the rocky hill. “Slow down,” he ordered, but it was too late for Hermes as he tumbled over the rocks and into the cool water. He pulled himself up, wiping at the blood on his knee.

          “You see? I told you to slow down,” Theo lectured, wrapping a rag around the little boy’s leg. He knew it was no use; boys are going to run around lakes and fathers are going to lecture. As it has been for thousands of years, Theo said to himself.

          “Did you catch many fish Papa?” Dimitri asked.

          “Yes, my son. It has been a fruitful day. We must leave now; we will be late for dinner.”

          “You boys each take a handle of the cooler and follow me,” Theo barked. Dimitri and Hermes each lifted, their skinny little arms, barely keeping the cooler from dragging across the rocks.

Theo was holding up a huge carp and a stringer full of yellow perch. He was grinning from ear to ear as a stranger stopped.

“Wow that is some catch! The fish gods must have been with you,” the stranger remarked.

“Yes it was a blessed day indeed,” Theo replied.

“What’s in the cooler?” the stranger asked.

“Just the babies. Thank you for the kind words and be well sir,” Theo said in parting. He shouted to the boys.

“”Don’t you dare drop that cooler! Stop and rest every so often if you must,” Theo barked at his sons, obviously struggling under the weight.

As they ascended the hill and approached the truck, another man shouted his admiration for the bounty of fish Theo was holding aloft.

“More big fish in the cooler?” he asked.

“Naw, just little ones,” Theo answered.

As the boys tried to hoist the cooler up onto the tailgate of the truck, Hermes fell off balance, dropping his end of the cooler. It tumbled open, a stew of blood, little human arms, legs, and skulls spilling over the grassy rocks.

The stranger screamed. “Oh God, what have you done you monster!”

“Told you I had the little ones in there,” Theo grinned.

*****

Stay well.

Published by maddogg09

I am an unmotivated genius with an extreme love for anything that moves the emotional needles of our lives.

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