I Totally Get It

I’m an asshole.

And the older I get, the less patient I am becoming.

I don’t like it.

I am not a rude, intrusive person by nature, but I think my condition is caused by my perception of time.

There isn’t much more of it left after a massive heart attack, a leg amputation, and twenty other invasive surgeries.

So now, I like things to move along at a more faster pace.

I am just guessing here, but I think twelve more years will probably be my remaining time. That would make me 80, which would be a modern miracle considering the life I have led.

I know I am setting myself for backlash considering I am an admitted Anglophile, but Jesus Christ, how craggy of a face does the Queen Consort have?

Scary.

I think it will be cool to watch the coronation of King Charles, although until he is ordained by the Church of England, can we even call him king yet?

When I am in charge of everything, there will be no reality TV shows.

Here’s a thought.

Go to sleep, wake up, and when you open your eyes, there is your reality show. If you have to watch how someone else lives, newsflash: you have a shit life.

Climate deniers and Holocaust deniers are of the same ilk; both are idiots who will die in a basement, cold, alone, and afraid, at the hands of a diabolical serial killer.

One can only hope.

Karen says I always take things too far, but I think I am making progress. I went to the store the other day and some chowderhead tried to help me.

He was lost.

But, instead of wishing that he catch a horrible disease and dying a gruesome, lengthy torturous death, I merely wished that he have all the flesh stripped from his arms while he is still alive, and grinding all his bones to powder.

See?

Better.

The horrible news that the family pets, two Pit Bull Terriers, whom they loved and protected for eight years, killed the family’s two young daughters and put the mother in intensive care, fighting for her life.

They euthanized the dogs.

They always do.

They do not care if the dogs were provoked to engage in this attack.

Doesn’t matter; they always euthanize.

I will pray for that family tonight, and I hope those doggies are somewhere safe where they can live, run, and play in peace.

Then again, I want that for everyone and everything.

My damn stump was too sore so I stayed off of it much to the consternation of Bruiser and Murphy, who are used to their mother taking them two, and sometimes three times a day to go run and explore.

So I bribed them with cheeseburgers.

We’ll all be glad when she returns next Tuesday.

Some guy smacks a hole-in-one at a country club and now, they are backing out on turning the truck listed as the prize, over to the gentleman.

They can smear his name, they can slander him, they can try to destroy his reputation, they can fight him to the death for possession of the vehicle, and challenge his manhood, but you know what?

None of it matters.

He got a hole-in-one.

Stay well.