The Envelope Please…

The award for luckiest dumbass of the millennium has to go to the knucklehead who “fell” from the Carnival Cruise Line ship into the Gulf of Mexico. He spent fifteen hours in the warm, shark infested waters before being found and rescued. The motive is still under question, as a spokesperson for the cruise lines pointed out that it is “impossible to accidentally fall off the ship.”

So what the fuck, dude?

A desperate cry for attention?

These are the same people who go to early deaths in an attempt to take a cool picture.

I don’t get it.

Oh, I’m climbing over this sign that tells me I’m not allowed here, but I am gonna get a badass picture and share it all over the internet. I just have to reach a little farther……If I can only….

The next sound is a Mr. Bill Oh noooooooooooooo as the hirsute photographer falls down the mountainside, smearing their vital fluids and the rest of their humanity all over the jungle floor.

A nearby pride of lions lean their ears in the direction of the fall.

Dinner time.

Quit calling her Queen.

She is a queen consort, and half of the homeliest couple on the planet. I am not saying they are not good people, I’m just saying they are ugly. Again, that is not said as any Brit-bashing; no, I am an admitted Anglophile, having spent important childhood years there.

When I say they are ugly, don’t look at it as a negative; like some people are tall, skinny, fat, stupid, take your pick.

Just an innocent descriptor.

Speaking of dumbasses, that nitwit Marjorie Taylor Greene likes the initials MTG.

Here’s some more initials.

STFU.

If you knew that your punishment for a particular crime would get you run through several times by a sword, do you think you might think twice?

Mayhaps you would.

Don’t put the theory to test if you go to Saudi Arabia.

They don’t play.

Unless you consider swordplay…

If I could just channel the little thirteen-year old girl inside me, maybe I could find one, just one of Taylor Swift songs that I like.

And how do thirteen-year old girls make her a cash machine that has no “off” switch?

Unreal.

The coach of the Ohio State football team is under scrutiny and pressure from his university and fan base. All he had done in three years, is win 34 games and only lost four, and yet he is under pressure.

Ridiculous.

Every other school in the NCAA would take that record, but no.

If you are the head football coach at Ohio State and you don’t beat Michigan, none of it matters.

You suck and you deserve to die.

Not me saying that; the fanbase.

Maybe one of the reasons their team is always in the convo to go to the CFP. I find it hard to believe that they can overcome the recent ass-whipping at home to the Wolverines, but there are still games to be played.

For all the rest of us, it’s “wait until next year.”

Stay well.

Published by maddogg09

I am an unmotivated genius with an extreme love for anything that moves the emotional needles of our lives.

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