Numbers Do Lie

Our Chief Executive is in the process of revising our census for the United States of America. After eliminating all the illegal immigrants and their descendants, it is now official: there are 42 people living in America.

A couple of douchebags posing as parents in Barcelona, Spain weren’t going to let a silly little thing like incorrect paperwork delay their return flight home after holiday, so they left their ten year-old son at the airport and headed on their merry way.

Except the police got wind of it, stopped the plane before departing, and booked the two idiots for child abandonment.

What the hell is a little six year-old Connecticut boy doing walking by himself on a boat ramp? How does he fall into the lake and no one is there to immediately jump in and pull him out?

His body still hasn’t been found.

Something tells me there’s more to this story…

There sure seems like there a lot of reports of people dying while taking cruises. You don’t need to go to an exotic location to face life-ending danger.

Just stay home.

Or go to Florida.

Or Georgia.

And you won’t even need to get a visa to visit (well maybe for Florida you will).

Dean Cain, who once played the role of Superman has joined ICE. That’s all well and fine, but if he wants to catch any fast-running illegal immigrants, he’s gonna have to put down the fork. He’s looking more like Superfat instead of Superman these days.

John “Cue ball” Cena thinks his new hair transplant looks good.

Right.

You would think it is the end of the world for some students in Texas high schools. The poor dears are upset because they are being banned from taking the teat from the mouth, growing up, and paying attention to their studies instead of everything else.

Shut up, learn, and put your cellphones down.

The question isn’t why did Howard Stern finally get fired from his 100 million dollars per year contract, but what took the media company so long to pull the trigger? Sterns’ offensive schtick has been a snooze-a-thon for the last few years and people, quite frankly, don’t think he’s anywhere near as funny or pertinent now.

Time to turn the page.

Texas (of course!) republican Chip Roy wants a floor vote taken to decide on whether politicians can continue profiteering using inside knowledge to fatten their own personal coffers while fucking over the very people they have sworn (lied) to serve.

Douchebags.

How many of you believe that the legislators will realize what they are doing is wrong so they vote to eliminate making more money?

Thought so.

Not a one.

What if they gave a birthday parade and nobody came?

How humiliating.

Still, it cost American citizens thirty million dollars.

Another Trump sycophant is learning the hard way.

He started a Trump Burger restaurant, basically building a shrine to his hero, filled it with patriotic memorabilia, American flags, and of course, plenty of pictures of his favorite tyrant.

I’m sure it all looks pretty cool as he is being bussed away to being deported because his citizenship is “questionable.”

Stay well.