Relax. I’m not shaming fat people. Hell, I used to be one myself. When I was working as a French chef, I weighed 280 pounds. And I wasn’t any taller. I got my fat honestly from being a raging alcoholic and eating French delicacies day and night. And any reasonable person might think I wouldContinue reading “Fat People and Other Things.”
Category Archives: Short stories
Whaaaat?
Did I hear someone say the Ukrainians are taking back their land from their sloppy, unmotivated intruders? If ever there was a case of fucking up a war, BabyHead, Charlie Brown look-alike, Putin is a military course just waiting to be taught at West Point. On how NOT to wage a military campaign. I takeContinue reading “Whaaaat?”
God’s Office Hours
24/7. Anytime, anywhere. You don’t have to be inside a venerable edifice to speak to the Creator. It doesn’t even have to be Sunday. I talk to God all the time. I thank him for things, I offer prayers to those in need, and I am constantly asking for forgiveness. My use of His nameContinue reading “God’s Office Hours”
Perspective
The human factor It is one of the things that differentiates us. Watch any episode of Law and Order and you will not see any two eyewitnesses describe the same perp. I think it should be a criminal offense to give an inaccurate description of an offender no matter how good the intentions are. IfContinue reading “Perspective”
Details
Being a Michelin-starred chef requires details like you can’t believe. How about breaking down a complete steer and have less than 10% waste when you are done? How about planning out a wedding for two-hundred guests? How about executing a champagne brunch for 500? I really enjoyed planning weddings because our clientele never seemed toContinue reading “Details”
God Saved the Queen
Rest well, Queen Elizabeth II. The Queen of the United Kingdom has ascended to her rightful place among the pantheon of world leaders. No matter what was happening in this tumultuous world, the Queen was always there, as steady as a rock, representing the United Kingdom with class and grace. When a young American boy,Continue reading “God Saved the Queen”
Military Brat
I am one. I suppose that is where my great respect for the members of our armed forces comes from. I lived on a total of seven different miltary installations in five different countries. The bases were self-sufficient. You had no need to go off base unless it was to break away from the rigidContinue reading “Military Brat”
Words You Can’t Take Back
I love you. I hate you. I don’t trust you. I’m leaving you. Get out and don’t come back. I did it. I murdered her (or him). What got me started on this tangent on a fine 66 degrees and sunny day in southern Ohio? No idea unless it is this excellent Indica strain comingContinue reading “Words You Can’t Take Back”
Christmas Commercials Already?
I saw my first one today (9/6) and I made a mental note to never shop from the particular advertiser for this holiday season, or ANY holiday season until time immemorial. That’s how much I appreciate their initiative. When I am over everything, I keep telling the Domestic Despot, one of the changes I willContinue reading “Christmas Commercials Already?”
Mourning
Obviously, I did not post a blog to mark the season-opening loss to the Ohio State Buckeyes. It wasn’t the romp everyone expected, but it was starting to look like if the game were just a bit longer, the score would have been more lopsided. My boys were wearing down against the huge linemen ofContinue reading “Mourning”
