Nothing is Possible

Not anymore. Not for everyone. Add Goldie Hawn, once one of the cutest faces in all of celebrityhood (did I just invent another word?) to the list of desperate old buzzards clinging fiercely to their last vestiges of youth with beauty-destroying cosmetic surgery. Artificial cheekbones. Plastic skin pulled tight. Duck lips. Sad. James Blair possessesContinue reading “Nothing is Possible”

Couldn’t Do it Without You

You mean to tell me with all his billions and all the billions more he and Elon Musk have stolen so far from the American people, he has to wear a store bought wig? Cold. When I saw the tag I had to double and triple-check just to make sure, and one thing I haveContinue reading “Couldn’t Do it Without You”

Baby, it’s Cold Outside

What do you do to escape the constant bitter cold in Norway? Many people embrace the cold; Alpine sports are big there. But not the politicians. Epstein Island. Yup. Not just America. My girl Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem fucking up again trying to shut down the TSA security checkpoints. You remember thoseContinue reading “Baby, it’s Cold Outside”

Ask the Wizard

It’s about an hour away from the president’s State of the Union address and I am awaiting it with the same anticipation I had when waiting for the next Jerry Lewis movie in the 50’s and 60’s—I couldn’t wait to see what that zany whackenheimer was going to say or do next… {NOTE: since IContinue reading “Ask the Wizard”

Play it Again

In the “New Normal” what do you do when your popularity poll numbers are embarrassingly, irreversibly low? You stop taking the poll, silly. If that doesn’t make you swell with national pride, what does? Just another “thanks, but no thanks.” Greenland has turned down an offer from the United States who offered medical care forContinue reading “Play it Again”

A Trampoline Can Be Dangerous

Bone spurs. His dad paid a doctor to falsely diagnose, treat, and document his “medical condition” so he wouldn’t have to serve in the armed forces. That must be why he’s so upset that he wasn’t awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor like all the other of our nations real military heroes, many of whomContinue reading “A Trampoline Can Be Dangerous”

Your Guess is as Good as Mine

Maybe even better. Kid Rock had one good song (Cowboy), and he thinks he’s a music icon now. The song that was released in 1998. Age does not make you iconic. If he thinks for one second that he can command ticket prices of $5,000 for his upcoming tour, well then this extra from theContinue reading “Your Guess is as Good as Mine”

Crazy You Should Mention That

The political landscape in this country is a crumbling, unstable vestige of a democracy with entitled, crepe paper-skinned old buzzards aging out and turning senile before the eyes of the world. No wonder the newer generations have such a nihilistic view of the world. I would much rather see suicide rates go through the roofContinue reading “Crazy You Should Mention That”

A One…And a Two…

So what do you do if your kid spends all their time on their phone and the rest of the time on their computer? Take your pick: Facebook, X, Instagram, TikTok. All day long. All night long. Somebody’s got to shoulder the blame for the crappy job of parenting. Certainly not the parents. Sue theContinue reading “A One…And a Two…”

And a One…And a Two…

They arrested a beautiful young girl who was working at a nursing home because she was twerking on the head of a disabled person. Hey, I’m disabled (hand raised). I’m in a wheelchair (both arms waving wildly). And Medicare never informed me about any twerking allowance in my coverage. So let’s get this straight… HisContinue reading “And a One…And a Two…”